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Chapter Eight-Part 1
“Oh? That’s what you say when I make such a momentous declaration? Oh.”
Maura stands shell-shocked for a few interminable moments.
“Well, Jane, you come storming in here suddenly telling me you’re in love with me, what do you expect me to do?”
“And the you being in love with me part?”
“Well I knew that already,” she replies easily.
Now it’s my turn to stand dumbfounded for a few moments. She didn’t say she loves me, she confirmed that she’s in love with me. After so many months of pain this revelation is a hard thing to hear.
“Jane,” she sighs. “What’s this all about? Making declarations won’t suddenly change everything.”
Maura goes to the refrigerator pulling out a bottle of wine. She kindly waves a glass in my direction.
Yes, I will most certainly be having some.
“You know, you have ignored me this entire week. When I needed you the most you were nowhere to be found.”
We both take a healthy swallow of our drinks.
“You kicked me out of your home, Jane!”
Maura is flushed with hurt and anger and it makes the wine on my tongue taste bitter and chalky.
“I was in pain! I’ve been in pain. Do you think it’s been easy for me to watch you with Reggie all these weeks? Do you think I’ve been at my best?”
She stares at me in silence giving me the space to go on.
“I’ve been living in misery, Maur. Every day it’s been a struggle just to get up in the morning and live. I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember and you just…never noticed. You couldn’t see.”
“That’s not fair!” Maura slams her glass down. “You never once indicated how you feel about me. Never once did you give me an inkling of your feelings. How am I supposed to react to something I have no clue about?”
“So you find a replacement? A–a pseudo-Jane to take my place? That’s not okay.”
“Who are you to judge me? I did what I needed to do so I wouldn’t feel so alone. With all your bravery in police work you’re nothing but a coward in reality. Because say what you want about Reggie she had the…the testicles to ask me out, to tell me how she feels.”
“Its balls, not testicles. And I didn’t think you felt the same way. Was I supposed to put it all on the line and just risk our friendship, our working relationship, for what could be a meaningless date?”
“Yes,” Maura says without pause. “If you love me as much as you say you do then you wouldn’t have been able to stop yourself.”
I look her square in the eye as I say, “Neither would you.”
Silence reigns for long ugly minutes. It’s clear that we’re at an impasse. No matter how we may feel about each other neither of us can move passed the mistakes we’ve made.
“This was a mistake,” I admit making my way to the door.
For all I know, I have no clue what I was thinking when I came here. I suppose I thought this would be like in the movies. I’d make my grand declaration of love and Maura would fall into my arms. For as much as I know about Maura, I don’t know why I believed it would be that simple. Nothing with Maura is ever simple.
Maura makes haste to the door stopping me before I can reach the handle.
“No, Jane. You are not doing this again. We are going to talk about this.”
“What’s the point?”
“We’re friends. We need to work this out.”
“Friends,” I release a humorless guffaw. “We can’t be friends. Not after all this and certainly not with you still seeing her.”
Maura stops short as she follows me back into the living room. Its obvious she’s not budging from the door.
“I said that too much has happened. We’ll ne—”
“No, after that,” Maura interrupts. “You said I’m still seeing her?”
“Yes.” I look at her with utter incredulity. “I saw her at the station.”
“Oh.” Maura rolls her eyes, going in search of her wine glass once more.
Now it’s me following her. “We’re back to that?”
“It wasn’t what it looked like, Jane.”
“It wasn’t your girlfriend coming to visit you?”
“No.” Maura shakes her head saying, “she came to drop off a few things and to…to plead her case.”
She continues at my questioning gaze.
“I broke up with Reggie…last week. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
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