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Chapter Eight-Part 2
For all I know, I have no clue when I became so stupid.
“Yeah, oh,” Maura replies smugly.
What do I say now? I’ve made a complete fool of myself by running in here making declarations and demands. I have no idea what I was expecting, but this most certainly was not it.
“I’m going to go.”
Even though I think it’s best I leave, I remain rooted to my spot. The power in this situation has totally been transferred to her.
“We’re not done talking.”
“What else is there to say? Haven’t I made a big enough fool of myself for one night?”
“It’s not about that.” She pours more wine. “We’ve done nothing but omit and run from each other. Good or bad we need to discuss this then move on.”
So this is it, the end of the line. Whatever happens tonight is final. I take some comfort in knowing that soon I can move on either rebuilding my shattered heart, or building a future with Maura.
I slide my glass across the island for a refill.
“I’m sorry, Maur. About Reggie,” I continue at her questioning gaze. “No matter how I felt about your relationship I never want to see you unhappy.”
She turns grateful eyes in my direction. “Thank you, Jane, but really it’s okay. Reggie and I were never going to get far. It was unfair of me to even try.”
Silence fills the space between us one again. I’m really not too sorry that Reggie is gone, but I do regret any part I may have had in her departure.
“Look, if I had anything to do with your breakup—”
“No, you didn’t. Not directly anyway. Like you said, Reggie was just a substitute for what I really wanted.”
I flush with pride knowing she’s referring to me. I’m what she’s always wanted and I’m finally not just hearing it, but feeling it too.
“That’s also what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
“I’m sorry, okay? I was hurt and scared. I couldn’t handle you telling me, ‘we could have been good together, but…’ It would have been too painful.”
“So you avoid me instead? You didn’t even give me a chance to explain, a chance to listen.”
Hurt drips from her every word adding to my already heavy-laden feelings of guilt and remorse.
“It’s done! I said I’m sorry. What’s left to discuss? You’re unhappy with me, I get it. Frankly, I’m not too thrilled with you either. So where do we go from here?”
“You don’t get it do you?”
Clearly I don’t.
“Yes, I’m less than thrilled about how things have gone with us thus far, but I’m still very much in love with you.”
Her eyes lock with mine conveying the severity of her words.
How do I respond to that? At the end of the day how we feel about each other is all that matters. We both made mistakes, mistakes we can hopefully move passed.
I’m so lost and confused that all I can think to do is seek the comfort I’ve needed from the beginning. Setting down my glass, I round the island placing myself before Maura. I can only hope that she accepts me.
“Maura, can I…would you mind if—”
She interprets my thoughts before I can convey them. Her slender arms round my neck and I eagerly pull her into a tight embrace. We could talk until we’re blue in the face, but in the end all that matters is our connection.
Maura feels so good pressed against me. I know this is where she is meant—was always meant—to be.
“I’m so sorry,” I repeat. The words catch in my throat and I quickly realize that I’m about to lose it.
Her hold only tightens as sobs begin to wrack my helpless body. Holding Maura to me like this makes me release a breath that I’ve been holding for years. With all our secrets lying bare between us, I feel a relief I never thought I’d experience.
“It’s okay,” Maura soothes gently.
Her hands softly stroke my back as I try to regain control of my emotions. Maura’s touch is a balm that soothes my scorched and burned soul.
Inhaling deeply I take in her very essence. Her smell is so familiar, even after all this time. A calm overtakes me and I’m grateful we made it here.
“God, you smell nice,” I murmur, lips pressed against her neck.
“You feel good,” she rejoins breathlessly.
My hands form minds of their own as they find Maura’s hips. I give them a healthy squeeze pulling her even more firmly against me. The air shifts between us and the stilted, somber mood that loomed thickly becomes heavy laden with lust.
My libido kicks into gear like a sports car left unused for too long. The engine sputters to life violently before settling to a gentle yet powerful purr.
Maura must be feeling it too as she hums softly in my ear setting my soft hairs on edge.
Now really isn’t the time for our minds or bodies to be considering anything of a sexual nature. We have a lot to discuss in regard to where we want this relationship to go, more apologies and amends need to be made. But in this very moment I can’t set my mind to such practical matters. With Maura’s hands drawing soft circles on my back, breasts pressed against my own, it’s easy to forget most anything.
I continue to nuzzle her silken neck with my lips, relishing even having this opportunity. I should stop, but how can I if Maura doesn’t want me to?
“Jane,” she murmurs.
Her breathless whisper is not the sound of displeasure or discomfort, but rather the sound of her desire. It’s a sound I’ve dreamed about so many times. It’s amazing how wrong my fantasies have been. There’s no way I could ever accurately imagine the sound of Maura’s moans or the sheer ecstasy I’d experience from her touch.
Working my way from her neck, across her chin I, remain a whispers breath away from my goal. Her lips are soft pink beacons calling to me on a stormy night. I hang suspended for long torturous moments waiting because I know I can’t go further. I can’t make that final leap. It’s up to Maura to decide if she wants us to take that journey to the point of no return.
To my utter delight she puts me out of my misery, Maura’s lips ghosting across my own creating shock waves of sensation. I remain motionless in disbelief at the sheer force of her gentle kiss. She presses her lips more confidently across my own jolting me into motion. Its exquisite torture feeling her lips slide over my mouth.
Maura’s hand clenches in my hair bringing us that much closer. I’m a willing participant as I finally begin engaging in this kiss. Her mouth tastes of wine and something I’m sure is just characteristically Maura. It’s intoxicating and produces a moan that comes from deep within me.
She seizes on the opportunity sliding her tongue into my mouth. The very first time our tongues meet my knees buckle dangerously from the sheer eroticism of the moment. Maura feels better than anyone I’ve ever kissed in my life. A large part of that is because she’s the first woman I’ve ever kissed, but more importantly she’s the first person I’ve kissed that I’ve been so hopelessly in love with.
All too soon the kiss comes to an end, Maura pulling away from me suddenly. We stare at each other both gasping for breath.
“We have to stop.”
I’m incredulous. “What, why?”
For all I know, I have no idea why we’d need to end a kiss as spectacular as that.
“We can’t do…this now, Jane. You didn’t think it would be that easy did you?”
Easy? Why on earth would anything between us be easy?
“There’s still a lot we need to discuss.” She puts more space between us. “Also you’re going to have to take me on a lot of dates before you can even think about getting more than a kiss.”
So that’s the issue, she wants to be wooed. Now that I can do.
“What does that smile mean?” she asks warily.
“Nothing, I’m listening to what you’re telling me.”
“I’m serious, Jane. I love you but there’s still a lot of things we need to work out.”
“You’re absolutely right,” I smile. “I agree wholeheartedly.”
“Good.” She still looks suspicious.
“Well it’s late. I’m going to go and let you get some rest. I will see you in the morning, Dr. Isles.”
She looks utterly confused, but I leave with a winning smile on my face.
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