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Chapter 19: Broken promises
Aiden lifted Madison off his lap, clamoring unsteadily to his feet. He was full on plastered at this point. Even in his inebriated state he could tell by the looks on Spencer and Ashley’s faces that this was not a good thing.
“Um…dis is not what it loo like,” he stammered.
Ashley didn’t know what to do. She was elated, of course, at what this meant for she and Spencer. There was another part of her that was pissed and rather disgusted at Aiden.
“Aiden, what did you do?”
Spencer had no idea how to process her feelings. On the one hand she was free to be with Ashley if she pleased, but the prospect of her longstanding relationship with Madison being over gave her pause.
“I asked you to stall not jump her bones!”
“Stall?” Madison asked.
“I asked him to keep you occupied for a while so that I could talk to Ashley.”
“Ashley? Again with this shit? You lied to me!”
“I didn’t lie, per se, just…omitted. I just needed a few minutes to speak to her, that’s all and I didn’t want to fight about it.”
“He told me you were talking to your mother. Sounds like a lie to me, Spencer.”
“Okay fine, that was a lie.”
“Um, maybe we should go,” Ashley said to Aiden.
“No, Ashley, don’t go. Let’s talk about why my girlfriend is lying to me to spend time with you.”
“That’s between you and your girlfriend, Madison.” Ashley certainly didn’t want to be trapped in the middle of this argument, no matter how integral she was.
“This has nothing to do with her, Madison,” Spencer broke in.
“It has everything to do with her. I’ve watched you two do everything short of have sex right in front of me from practically the day you joined the tour. Do you think I’m stupid Spencer?”
“I, um, think I’ll go now,” Aiden said while easing toward the door.
“I’m coming too, Aid. This is between the two of you,” Ashley said to Spencer and Madison. “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my room with stupid here.” She pushed him out the door leaving Spencer and Madison alone.
“I don’t think you’re stupid Madison. And your observations are right. If not a little too kind.”
Spencer felt it was time for her to come clean. Yes, Madison had been unfaithful to their relationship but so had she. “I kissed Ashley.”
Madison just stared at her girlfriend for a few seconds letting the words sink in. She had suspected as much but she never thought she’d actually hear Spencer say the words.
“I’m sorry, Maddy.”
“I always suspected but…I…wow. I guess we’re in the same boat then.” Madison took a seat.
“I guess so.”
“So now what?” Madison asked.
“I don’t know. I guess this has been a long time coming,” Spencer ventured.
“What are you talking about?” Madison looked up at the woman she used to love so much. Now she felt like she didn’t even know Spencer.
“Us, this, we haven’t been good in a while and you know it.”
“No, I don’t know it!”
“Don’t play dumb. Our relationship hasn’t been the same since…” She didn’t want to say the name to Madison. They’d seldom mentioned his name since the day they had buried him.
“Since what?” Madison asked, her eye’s hard and dark.
“You shut up right now, Spencer!” Madison yelled standing to her feet. “Don’t bring him into our problems!”
“We’ve had problems since the day we lost him, Madison. A part of you died that day.” Spencer eyes began to well with tears. “We both lost a part of us.”
“Spencer, I’m warning you!” Madison took a step closer.
“No! You’re going to listen to me! I’ve kept this inside for five years now. I buried the Madison I loved with Skyler and rightfully so. But I can’t keep pretending that everything is okay. It’s too hard, Madison. You’ve changed and I’ve been fighting to get you back, but I can’t fight anymore.”
“Spence…I…” the tears were flowing down Madison’s face as she finally faced the truth. “I’m sorry.” That was all Madison could muster as the tears began to flow freely.
Spencer reached out, pulling Madison in a fierce hug. She allowed allowed her to release all the pent up frustration and pain.
“Spencer, I’m so sorry,” Madison said when her tears began to ebb. “I know I’m not the person I used to be. I don’t know if I can ever be that girl again, that bright eyed, optimistic person you met and fell in love with. You’re right, she was buried alongside Skyler and I’m not sure she’ll ever be back again.” She looked at Spencer with apologetic eyes. “We’ve both made mistakes. Do you think we can work them out?”
Spencer pulled away so she could think. She was being asked a big question. One that couldn’t be answered so easily.
“Spencer, what is there to think about? You kissed someone, I kissed someone, we’re even. We can just move on from here, start fresh.”
“Move on from here? Madison there has to be a reason why we’re both kissing other people. And frankly I don’t know if I can deal with the person you’ve become. I loved the person you were, not the person you’re turning into.”
“Turning into. You’re supposed to love me unconditionally.”
“You’ve changed. I don’t like who you are anymore. I just can’t pretend to be comfortable with the way things are.”
“So you’re dumping me for the fucked up rock star?” Madison wiped her tears away reaching in stead for her righteous indignation. She didn’t want to lose Spencer, but she especially didn’t want to lose her to Ashley.
“I’m not dumping you for anyone. This is about you and me. No one else.”
“Bull shit! This is about you wanting to be with Ashley and using tonight as an out. It has nothing to do with whatever changes you feel I’ve made.”
“That is ridiculous, Madison. We have been growing apart for years. Things aren’t the same. You can’t pretend to not see that.”
“What I see is you bailing as soon as things get rough!”
“Get rough? Wake up call, Maddy, things have been rough!”
“You can’t leave me. I made you!” Madison said in a fit of desperation.
“Made me?” Spencer could barely comprehend the words coming out of Madison’s mouth.
“You were nothing before me. No job, no direction, I got you where you are.”
Spencer knew that this was Madison’s way of fighting the future, prolonging the inevitable. What they had for so long was falling apart and Madison was refusing to accept the blame for it. She couldn’t even see that Spencer wasn’t blaming her. She knew the rightful reason for all of this and there was nothing either of them could have done.
“We both know that’s not true. Why are you making this harder than it has to be?” Spencer asked, pain and hurt lacing in her tone.
“I’m not doing anything. This is all you.”
“No! Get out!”
“You heard me. We’re through.”
Tears were threatening to fall as Madison pushed Spencer out the door. “Goodbye, Spencer,” she managed before slamming the door in Spencer’s face.
Spencer stood in the hallway for a while staring at the closed door. “I’m sorry, Madison.” She whispered before heading down the hall.
She knocked softly and waited. A couple seconds later Ashley came to the door offering a comforting smile. Stepping aside to let her inside, Spencer wasted no time heading straight for the bedroom. She passed Aiden on the couch. He was out cold and the very least of Spencer’s concerns.
Ashley followed behind watching Spencer paused long enough to remove her sneakers before climbing into her bed. She knew that Spencer’s life had changed, that nothing would be the same. Her reality had just been irrevocably altered and there was no turning back. So as Ashley climbed in next Spencer and wrapped her arms around her as she let the lyrics flow softly from her lips.
Spencer felt some much needed serenity wash over her. She nuzzled in closer to the brunette and let her fears, frustrations and heartache run free down Ashley’s shoulder.