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Chapter 22: Indifference Part 1
PG


They say indifference is not a good trait to exhibit. It signals a breakdown in emotion. I have become rather indifferent in many aspects of my life. That indifference is necessary for my survival. If I paid attention to everything that bothered, annoyed or hurt me…well lets just say I’d be more than a little crazy. I lean on indifference now to get through my day, the week, hell my life. And screw anyone who tries to tell me I’m wrong for that. They don’t face half the bull shit I face in one day in their entire lifetime. I’ll be counting on indifference more than ever to get through the remainder of this tour.

~

Ironically enough the excitement of Ashley’s arrival had fans rushing to the stadium to catch a glimpse of the rocker, which caused the buses to arrive extremely late. This left the group no time to head to the hotel to unpack before heading to the arena.

Madison left to check-in, so they wouldn’t lose their reservations, then she had to be back to prepare for the pre-show meet and greet. While that was happening Ashley would do sound check with the band.

Spencer, Simon and Libby would also be busy unpacking their supplies so they would be ready for the pre show rush. They collectively had three hours to get everything done so the show could begin at eight.

With everyone occupied, Aiden was left with nothing to do. He, unlike everyone else, was able to head to the hotel. When they arrived at the hotel he thought he could steal some of Madison’s time while she checked everyone in. That didn’t work out exactly as planned. He watched as Madison quickly hoped off the band bus and the caravan prepared itself to pull away.

“Wait!” he called out the driver.

“What are you doing, Aiden?” Ashley barked. “We’re going to be late.”

“I’m going to head to the hotel. There’s no need for me to be at the arena three hours before the show starts. I’ll just be in the way.”

“I guess you’re right,” Ashley relented. “I want you there tonight though. The first night in a new city is always the worst.”

He smiled sweetly saying, “Of course I’ll be there,” before hopping off the bus.

~

Spencer looked out the tinted window wondering when they were going to pull off. Seconds later she became painfully aware why they still hadn’t left. She watched as Aiden jumped off the first bus heading into the hotel. The hotel that Madison had just entered. She flopped back into her seat mind reeling.

What the hell is that about? Did he get off to follow Madison? Are they going to be together now? How long has she had feelings for him? Does she have feelings for him? Does he like her? I wonder if while she was with me she was thinking about him? Am I pissed off or relieved?

On the one hand if they start dating then that means I can be with Ashley, guilt free. Do I want to date Ashley? She is sweet. And I care for her a lot. Would we date? What’s it like dating a rockstar?

WHY DID AIDEN GO IN THERE WITH MADISON ?

Do I miss Madison? How deep do my feelings run for Ash? Why isn’t she talking to me? Well, duh, I hurt her feelings. But I couldn’t in good conscious just hop from Madison to Ashley. That would just look bad and I certainly don’t want to rebound with Ashley, she deserves all of me. Who cares what people think, really? Especially Maddy. I told her I kissed Ashley, but I had to watch as she kissed Aiden. Totally different situations.

I miss Ashley already. It’s been like hours. I miss her laugh and how we can talk about anything for hours. I miss the way her nose wrinkles when she smiles. I miss the way she smells and the way her skin feels under my fingers…

Spencer growled, Simon and Libby looking almost frightened as her face contorted and twisted in thought.

“Um…Spence?” Simon asked.

“Spencer?” Libby tried when Simon got no answer.

“Spencer!” they both finally shouted.

“What?” she snapped.

“Are you okay, chica?” Simon asked as he blew his nails dry. “You actin’ crazy over there.”

Spencer smiled. It had taken her a while to get used to Simon’s accent, now she couldn’t imagine him without it.

“Yeah, you’re, practically talking to yourself,” Libby chimed in.

“Sorry. I have a lot on my mind.”

“Madison and Ashy, huh?” Simon ventured.

She knew they were fishing, but at this point they’d practically witnessed every detail anyway. She nodded, not wanting to give up much more of her personal business.

“I don’t know why you deny yourself of what you really want,” Libby said matter of factly.

“I wouldn’t that’s for sure, girl,” Simon laughed.

“Don’t we know it,” Libby shot back.

“Is it that obvious?” Spencer asked unaware of what exactly they thought she wanted. She figured she’d ask though. Maybe they could tell her something about herself she didn’t know.

“Very.”

Simon nodded in agreement.

“And what is it that I want? You know, I just want to see if you’re right,” Spencer tried.

They looked at each other, unsure if they should say anything. But when were they ever afraid to speak their minds?

Simon spoke first saying, “Ashy.”

“Duh,” Libby added.

Spencer was gobsmacked. She had been with Madison up until a few hours ago. Had she really made her feelings for Ashley that obvious? If so then that means Madison had seen it too. This meant that all those arguments that they had about Ashley were indeed valid and not as insane as Spencer was trying to make Madison seem. She felt relieved and saddened at the same time. She was happy that her feelings were so clear because that made her current decision making process much easier. Then again she was mortified that she was callous enough to make her feelings for another woman so obvious to her girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend…whatever.

Spencer was at a real loss now. She felt like she had so many people to talk to. Madison would certainly need an apology. She needed to talk to Ashley too…again. While she stood by her decision to not rebound with Ashley, she was sure she hadn’t made her intentions clear enough. Spencer could most certainly see herself with Ashley, it was all she thought about. But she wasn’t a cheater and she wouldn’t start something fresh and new with Ashley while the stink of disappointment of her failed attempt with Madison still hung about.

As the bus ground to a halt, however, it was clear that there was work to be done. The talking and apologizing would have to wait.

Back at the hotel… 

“Hey, Madison,” Aiden called out as he joined her at the front desk. “Need a hand?”

She looked up at him standing over her blankly. She really wasn’t sure how she felt about Aiden or what had happened last night. She wasn’t completely drunk when they kissed. Drunk enough to not care, but definitely sober enough to know better. She had been so wrapped up with Spencer, or getting even with Spencer, that she hadn’t even thought about how this affected Aiden. As she looked up at him now, she was at a total loss.

“Um…sure I guess. Not much to it. Keeping track of the keys is usually the hardest part. We know our princess gets the best room,” she said, venom dripping from her words.

“Ha…yeah.” He cleared his throat as an uncomfortable silence fell between them.

They stood awkwardly waiting for their turn.

“So how you holding up with ah…everything.” He was curious, but smart enough to know  to tread lightly.

“I’m surviving, I supposed. Being caught with you really screwed everything up.” Madison couldn’t bring herself to look at him.

He flinched already sure of where this little convo was headed. “Yeah, Madison, about that…” he began.

“Don’t worry about it, Aiden. It’s really not your fault. If not with you then it would have been someone else, I suppose.”

He wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. “So are you kind of happy that it was with me, at least?”

She had to smile at his childlike curiosity and seemingly good intentions, whether they were in her favor or not. “Its not so bad.”

It was enough to ease his trepidation a bit. “Well I’m still sorry about you and Spencer.”

“So you heard about that already, huh? News sure does travel fast.” The small moment of levity melted onto the marble floors.

“Yeah, well, its kind of hard not to. I was in the same suite.” He kicked himself as soon as the words spilled dumbly from his lips.

Madison spun around, looking at him with fire in her eyes. “So that’s where she went? I figured. Thank you for confirming.”

“Oh no, wait. Nothing happened. I guess. I’m not too sure, I was really out of it. I just know that you shouldn’t be too upset because even though you guys split up, Spencer is still really loyal to you.”

“I don’t want or need her loyalty. I want and need her love,” Madison said brokenly.

Aiden fell silent as he thought about how many feet he could fit into his enormous mouth.

Madison realized then that Aiden had just slipped up and given her some fairly valuable information about her ex, info that would more than likely come in handy in the future. Aiden was the right hand man to the one thing keeping her away from what she really and truly wanted.

Standing up a bit straighter she cleared her throat and put on her sweetest smile saying, “You know, Aiden, I know you’re a good guy. You’re just trying to do what you feel is best. What do you say we let bygones be bygones and move on together, as friends?”

Aiden perked up at the idea. Friends could certainly be the start of more. If Aiden was anything it was patient. “Sure, Mads. I’d like that.”

With one last smile she greeted the front desk clerk. She was certainly feeling much better than she had just a few hours ago.

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